Pretty in Pink

Thanks to Romina D'Alessandro

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 5
Romina here claims that this was worn for an 80's themed day at school, but you and I know she's fibbing don't we? Look at the tell-tale signs: 2nd hand tails, hair draped over the eyes, too many necklaces - the similarity to Molly Ringwald and Ducky is unmistakable. Two Goths - Spotted!

Gothercise

stolen from Slightly Known People


Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 9
Get your Goth Sweat on with a bunch of people much funnier than me!

Gothic Charm School

Thanks to: escaflowne8

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 8
escaflowne8 writes that this picture was taken "on a blazingly hot tea party picnic for the gothic charm school book release...feel free to poke all the fun you want." Well, escaflowne8, that would be entirely ungallant. But it's good to see that you've taken the Charm School commandments to heart.
Gothasol? Check. Top hat and ornate veil? Check. Expression that suggests someone out of shot has just painted a smile and a pair of comedy tits on your statue of Satan? Checkeddy-check-check!

Davros Goth

Thanks to: Geraint Edwards

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 9 bottom half, 5 top half
Auditioning for the new Goth Dr Who turned out to be only a partial success for this Goth. Told he was to be the new leader of the Goth Daleks, did he get the requisite studded metal bottom on wheels? Did he buffalo. No, he got a whole load of Immobility Sand for an arse and he's stranded in the bloody sunshine with half his body exposed to the Daystar so that he explodes like that chap in Blade.
I think we can all see how he feels about it.

Desert Island Goth

Thanks to: Shy Spades

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 9

Happy talkie talkie, Happy Talk! Or perhaps not. Either way, someone's not making a campfire and certainly not looking for Man Friday, not when every day is like Sunday now. No more releasing the bats, no more sitting around watching Suspiria by candlelight. Just endless sunshine and sand. Ugh.

Follow The Goth

Thanks to: Sophie Seeger

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 4
Okay? Follow the Goth, keep your eyes on the Goth, I'm moving the Goth left, I'm moving the Goth right. Always keep your eyes on the Goth. Where will the Goth end up: left, right or middle? Have you kept your eyes on the Goth?

Okay? Where's the Goth?

Oh.

Dedication's what you need

lakebeachville9000, originally uploaded by pretty.kittens.

Gothiness: 4 Sweatiness: 9
So you're on a beach on lovely sunny day, surrounded by pretty ladies. Do you strip off to show your scrawny yet intellectual physique? Do you buggery! You sit there covered in as much black as possible to guarantee the Daystar doesn't infect you with it's joyful rays, discussing your latest epic poem documenting your Saturday job at Hot Topic. This is quite above and beyond the call of Chthulu duty. Top marks!

Goth Goth Revolution

Thanks to Alison Ehrick

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 9
Goths and technology are natural friends, but this surely is a marriage made in hell. Walk through your local arcade, and perhaps you'll be lucky enough to witness the sight of two taffeta-clad Gothettes pounding away to their favourite Dark Tune (I didn't know Fields of the Nephilim was available as an option on these games). Dance, Gothy girls, dance!

Tin Hat Time

Thanks to Amy Kingsmill

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 7 (under the collar)
Like a gothy extra from Hamburger Hill, Amy has been taking cover in more ways than one. She tells me that there is nothing better than a tin hat to keep the Daystar out when shadebathing, although I'm worried about her legs. That pastey white complexion won't last if you don't cover up with leather and lace, Gothette!

More Press

The very kind Jennifer Chen at Evil Monito has flattered an old Goth in print - if you'd like a tantalising glimpse of me then click here :) Note my skill for recycling quotes from older interviews

The Impressive Clergyman remains elusive, however - though you can find out about him here

UnHappy Meal

Thanks to Dane Strychnine

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 9
Make no mistake, mortal. These Dark Food Junkies aren't here for the quarterpounder - it's the ribs they want. YOURS! Yes, vanillas, tremble in fear as the proud MiseryGoths feast on your despair. Wisely, they're just in the shadow, away from the harm of the Daystar - but watch that one in the middle, she's got her eye on your chips! Note the futile attempts from other diners to look nonchalant whilst quaking in their flip-flops. Extra points awarded for the overload of makeup and straight-backed corsetry.

Interview

I was interviewed recently for LA Weekly, if you'd like to have a read then simply click here!

Oompa-Loompa Goth

Thanks to Alethea Carr

Gothiness: 7 Jaffa Cake-ness: 8
Alethea writes "My husband was enchanted by my making an appearance on the site, but this heady feeling of love soon turned to envy. As you can see, he has turned his back forever on such mundane pleasures as swimming pools and gardening, preferring the cold comfort of shadow. Together we wallow in unrelenting angst. Actually, he just threatened that if I didn’t sub a picture of him, he’d write poetry at me and put Clan of Xymox on repeat all night." I see your Darker Half still finds time to bathe in carrot juice though, Alethea. Too much time under the rays of the Daystar, clearly.
On another note, this represents the first bespoke modelled shot for GIHW - hooray! more of the same please, chums.

Gothlights

By popular demand, I've moved the highlights video, so here it is - a selection of nearly-rans and not-quite-high-res-enough Goths for your Dark Pleasure...

Where's Normo?

Thanks to Steve Hernandez

Gothiness: 10 Sweatiness: 8
A Friday game for you (albeit a pretty crap one)! Somewhere in this Misery of Goths (I think that's the collective noun, but am prepared to be corrected) stands a terrified Norm! He's been kidnapped and forced to play a macabre version of Where's Waldo - can you find him before his soul gets subsumed by the Dark Side? Can you rescue him before he is forced to watch Rocky Horror and don a basque and suspenders? Will he taste blood and want more, or will you pull him back to his vanilla life and promising career in middle management in time? First to tell me what he's wearing wins no prize at all...

Nobody puts Gothy in a corner!

Thanks to Samantha Blake

Gothiness: 4 Sweatiness: 6
BobyGoth here is clearly not enjoying her time at the Country Club with her folks. What she doesn't know is that Undead Patrick Swayze is just waiting to whisk her off to a secret underground world of Industrialist Grinding and Gothabilly Bumping. Wait till she learns the secret of the 'Stuck in my coffin' move!

p.s. if you don't know how to dance goth, you could a lot worse than follow the step by step education at Lilith Gallery, and especially for anyslyenchanter and Cristina Jiminez (amongst others), I proffer you this piece of Gothy Sexyback from Tank9:

Charidee Bandana

Nothing to do with Goths, this one, but the company I work for has just produced a microsite for Children in Need (UK charity for those of you who don't know). Please visit and buy yourself a Pudsey Bandana - I've got a free copy of the upcoming Goths in Hot Weather book (if the bastard thing ever gets a publisher) for the first of you who can send in a photo of a Pirate Goth wearing one!

LazyGoth

stolen from Getty





Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 7
Dear Lord how do I ever watch Lazytown with my daughter again? My mind! My mind is bleeding! Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place...

Around the World in 80 Goths

Thanks to Meghan Gerc

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 8
Eventually our perambulations brought us to a most interesting phonomena; that latest of devices, the photochromatic device, or Camera. My wife, Elpheba, was understandably nervous, having had little experience of the modern day world (being, as it was, raised in New Zealand). I, however, have had much time exploring in both the old and new worlds and was comfortable with the device, indeed I eventually persuaded Elphaba to carry one as a keepsake or portmanteau. The Bashi-Bazouks of Turkland almost delivered me a terrible blow when I attempted to record their dialect on my audio recording device. They seemed to think I wanted to use a certain appendage to make contact on the Marconi telephonic apparatus! All ended happily, though it took some time to translate the word Dictaphone.

Sorry.

Presidential Goth of Approval

Thanks to loads of people

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 9
Yup, that's St Barack, and that's the Spanish PM, and those are his children. His totally, all out Goth-rocking progeny. As teenage Spaniards it is their duty (their DUTY I tell you) to dress this way. Next year they'll be taking a world tour of Goth heritage sites as part of a cultural exchange. They will bring delicious tapas and backpacks with cuddly bears on the zips, and we'll flog them dodgy bangles from Camden Market that make your skin go green.

Gothzilla

Thanks to Missy Reitner

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 8
Run! Run for your lives!

Pumping Goth

Thanks to Noelle McCleaf

Gothiness: 5 Sweatiness: 8
Check out those 68 Guns! These bad boys are just limbering up for a heavy poetry session, presumably involving lengthy discourses on the inner workings of their souls and how ladiee Goths should have the pleasure of their company. What a pair of rhyming couplets!

Gothasol Love

Thanks to Chiaki Tani

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 5
Chiaki Tani writes "That gothasol isn't going to do her any good; it's not sorrow-proof." I should hope not Chiaki! Sorrow is the the lifeblood of every good Darkling; almost as important as Snakebite & Black for extended poetry sessions and soul searching. Not that Goths have souls of course. As far as the Gothasol is concerned, there's no tool in the Goth arsenal more useful for steering clear of the dreaded Daystar, as Chuck here so amply demonstrates:


Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness:6
Don't be fooled by the pale colour of this Gothasol. Take a closer look. See? By the Power of Bauhaus, it's covered in COFFINS!!!

More from Cyril

Thanks to Olivia Gianelli

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 8
I'm indebted to the young Olivia, who writes; "Just thought you might like a photo of me in my wedding dress braving the nasty burny thing in the sky. We chose to get married on the 21st March, it being the first day of spring we thought it was guaranteed to be either dull or raining (quite possibly both!) as we live in the north of England. However the traitorous weather left us hot sweaty and exhausted, although our guests seemed to enjoy the spectacle, non-goth softies the lot of them!" I feel your pain, Olivia - I and Mrs GIHW got married in Teesdale - a place guaranteed to give you murky overcast summers - in 42 degree heat. We then took our honeymoon in Paris, where 3000 people died of heatstroke in a week.

FTGW

Thanks to Kelley at Butt Blog

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 5
Now that's the way to do it Gothettes!
(no, I'm not a perv. honest)

Goth Ahoy

Thanks to Stephanie Ford and Tommy B

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 2
Avast ye! What lurks in yonder waves? 'Tis the Great Black Whale! Set a course for Martha's Harbour this instant! Their timbers may be shivering, but Nick Cave and Winona Ryder here are certainly flying the flag for Goth sailors everywhere.

HorsePunk

Thanks to Tobias Kremple

Punkiness: 9 Sweatiness: 7
Tobias tells me this shot is "Not quite the same as goths in hot weather, but there isn't a punksinhotweather.com, and the horse ads such charm to the shot! " Couldn't agree more Tobias - watch your spikes on that mane punky cousins!

Sidenote for the pedants: Yes, they're not Goth, nor are quite a few people on the site. It may have escaped your attention, but this blog is there AS A JOKE, and I like to include all our fellow alternative types - Goth, Punk, Psychobilly, even the Emos. Yes even the Emos. Oh, and anyone who thinks Cyberpunk isn't Goth - you're deluding yourselves ;)

Closer to Goth Than Thee

Thanks to Molly

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 5
Molly writes "I'm in this photo, and I am not goth, but this girl is goooood. She was rollin kinda deep, but I liked her the best. I think it was the spiky mini backpack." And she's right. She's also at the vanguard of a new trend I've been noticing: many of you are sending in photos grabbed opportunistically when in the presence of Goth, and I love 'em - so I have a new challenge for you: If you are vanilla, send me pics of you standing next to hot goths, preferably with thumbs aloft (as so ably demonstrated by Molly here). If you are Goth (and I bow to you my dark masters), then I need pics of you standing next to the most incongrous item or person you can find - old grannies, police officers, dwarves. In fact, extra points for dwarves.

Between a Rock and a Goth Place

Thanks to Amanda Martin

Gothiness: 5 Sweatiness: 8
Amanda writes "Here is a picture of my brother. Make fun of him."
Too easy a target, from the 18 hole DMs right up to the mohawk-crop circa 1992, not to mention the fact you're on a BEACH. I open the floor to you, dear reader. Do your worst!

Cor Blimey Gothy Poppins!

Thanks to Jillian Venters

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 6
One of these ladies is a fully paid up Goth (the lovely author of Gothic Charm School, no less!). The other is Mary Poppins. They both look like they could use a drink.

Dad Taxi Goths

stolen from Wave-Gotik-Treffen

Gothiness: 5 Sweatiness: 7
Um, yeah, so thanks for the lift and everything, dad, but could you, like, leave now? I see some of my friends over there...

Prairie Goth

Thanks to BloodyDoll (Flickr)

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 6
Like a Goth version of a Windows wallpaper, BloodyDoll proudly tempts us to click around her desktop. Watch out though - treat her bad and you'll get the BSOD! (black screen of darkness in this case)

I deny thee, deckchair!

Gothiness: 4 Sweatiness: 6

Though clearly not yet fully initiated into the coven of Goth, this young lady is going the right away about spending time on the beach. There's a nice welcoming deckchair - does she sit on it? Does she buggery! She even has the good sense to stand on the only rock on the beach rather than risk getting sand in her Vans. Well done, madam.

Purple Paddlers

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: -4

It was a hot day, but a freezing sea. These two Dark Delights jumped in and before they knew it they were overwhelmed by the Goth's biggest fear: enjoyment. Yes, you can clearly see these these two Gothettes are having fun. How dare they? I made up for it by finding a previously unpublished poem, penned by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Apparently he binned this one and went with the Rime of the Ancient Mariner instead.

"Oh! Sea of chilly suffering, I jump in thee,

To drown my sorrows, at the shores of Whitby.

To look so glum was my goal,

but instead, childish enjoyment filled my soul.

I am Goth, 'neath the searing sky

I feed my pain with fish and chips from the Magpie."

Birthday Goth

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 7

Birthday Goth and her boyfriend here were kind enough to actually pose when I accosted them in Whitby Beach, spiritual home of the Goth. A big expanse of beach, bright sunshine, donkey rides, everyone else in t-shirts, and these two don't just Goth out, they even have the attention to detail to make sure their plastic bags are black and purple! It takes a lot of work to find a shop that hands out purple plastic bags - fine work Gothette. She even represents when paddling. Mind you, the North Sea is bloody freezing.

Come Feast at the Bitter BBQ of Banishment

Thanks to Jason

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 6
Take heed mortal, and fear my warning! Tear your eyes from the alluring glare of this Dark Temptress! Heed not the cool, refreshing can of beer and refuse the promise of delicious pre-prepared kebabs with artichoke hearts from M&S! You can plainly see there's nothing on this fire - like the Dread Pirate Roberts, this evil succubus waits to barbecue your SOOOUUUUULLLLL! Probably in a nice piri-piri sauce.

Lost Boys 2

Thanks to Kevin Johnson

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 7
Imagine being 4 years old, happily building a sandcastle and paddling in the sea whilst your parents try to get a tan and keep an eye on you at the same time. You don't have a care in the world, and you've never even heard about vampires, let alone seen a Bela Lugosi film. There you are, standing up to admire your 5-bucket sandcastle achievement; you glance up, and see these guys coming at you. You'd fucking shit yourself.

Lost Boys 1

Thanks to Andromeda Han

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 4
Caught out after dawn, these Darklings know what they're doing - hiding under the boardwalk gives you two advantages: Firstly, you can avoid the searing Daystar until the Night comes with her cool embrace, when you shall once more walk amongst the living, choosing your victims and dealing your undead kiss. Secondly, you can look up girls' skirts. Brilliant!

Shingle Beach, thy name is Sorrow

Thanks to Elvira

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 6
Goth down! Goth down! In just minutes, David Hasslegoth and the Gothwatch rescuers will run onto the scene carrying revitalising bottles of Snakebite and some Gothasols. Let's hope they can survive the Daystar until then. They do, however, know the correct way to sunbathe a la Goth - as covered up as you can be, with a bag full of poetry and pseudo-intellectual books, presumably L’Étranger or À la Recherche du Temps Perdu. Minus points, however, for the white trainers. Poor show Gothette!
Side note: As a Didi-Goth I once took to a beach with some 'intellectual' reading in order to pull the clever totty (my favourite kind). I made two mistakes; firstly,the beach I was on was in Malia, Crete where the words 'clever' and 'totty' don't often mix; second, the book I chose was 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade. Consequently I spent a week lying on a beach shouting "Oh God NO! He's doing what with a WHAT? And why are THEY standing over him?" To this day I am the only man ever to go to Malia and not pull.

Goth like an Egyptian

Thanks to Mark Rimbach

Gothiness: 5 Sweatiness: 10
I know it's the 80's Mark, but you're in EGYPT. Wearing a LEATHER JACKET. I'm proud of you.

Batty Goths

Thanks to Evaxebra

Gothiness: 10 Sweatiness: 8
Of all the Bat's Day shots, this is the apogee - Like a modern day Joan of Arc, this dark delight is backed by a hoard of Goths laying seige to the castle of schmaltz that is Disney. I worship at the alter of your majesty, Gothette!

Prom time

Prom time, originally uploaded by gurple.

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 9
Damon writes "This is my friend and his... oh, hell, who am I kidding, this is my wife and me. A megalomaniacal friend of ours had a giant prom-themed birthday party and we thought we'd goth up the place a bit. Unfortunately it was nearly 90 degrees in Seattle yesterday." Good work Mr and Mrs Damon. Extra points for looking like a cross between Dave Gahaaa-aa-aaa-aaaa-aan and Marc Almond.

Heads You Lose

Thanks to Alan Clements http://www.pbase.com/clements/image/105622619


Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 6
Well, I've heard of giving head, but I think this is taking it a bit far. She certainly sees something in him that no-one else can see. Although, I think she's missed a basic lesson - before going out in the Daystar, his head was ashen white with beautiful flowing black locks. And now look at it! Burnt to a cinder. Take care, Gothette! It could happen to you.

Dirty Gothy

Thanks to: Madam Zebra www.madamzebra.net



Gothiness: 10 Sweatiness: 9.9

I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Gothnum, the most powerful Gothgun in the world, and would turn your head into a black moth, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, steampunk?

Give it up for Clint Gothwood. In a top hat.

More Goth, vicar?

Grr!, originally uploaded by fuzzirella.

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 4
Fuzzirella and her chums are making the most of their visit to Bat's Day. Clearly well versed in irony, these clever Gothettes manage to combine sullen loneliness with sitting in a giant spinning teacup. No easy feat, but watch those bare arms darklings - hopefully they're wearing factor 451.

Mickey Goth

Bats Day 2008 - Our First!, originally uploaded by kimncris.

Gothiness: 5 Sweatiness: 7
Kim and Cris here have joined the throng at the infamous Bat's Day at Disneyland. Respect for representing our Lady of Introspective Conception Siouxsie Sioux, but minus points for using a golf umbrella rather than a gothasol. Poor show! On the subject of Bat's Day, I will offer my right liver and some of my finest dark poetry to the person who can deliver the following shots:
1 - Goth and Mickey Mouse
2 - Goths riding a roller coaster (must look grumpy)
3 - Goths with Mickey mouse ears

Go get 'em Gothseekers!

Sidenote: When I went to see The Cure, Siouxsie Sioux opened (in more ways than one). She was wearing nought but a leather jacket and a g-string, which broke halfway through her set. She didn't even notice and just carried on singing.

Thanks to Louise

Gothiness: 5,000 Sweatiness: 9 (under the collar)
Louise "may or may not be loosely associated with this video" Don't be coy, Louise - it's an association you should scream from the highest rooftops! There are just too many great comments to make on this vid, from the shots on a handy cam of Didi-Goths pretending to cut each other's heads off in Richmond Park to what I suspect is a chorus sung by Neil Tennant. My mind is still boggling. I give you a short selection of possibly the greatest lyrics in Rawk history:

Catch the ghost train to the centre of my heart
I am potent, I'm profound
I am gothic
I am pale
I am scary
I'm insane
I'm a loner
I am cold
I feel special when people don't phone

Spray are my new favourite band!

Goth is the Loneliest Number

Thanks to Diane

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 9
This trainee darkling is making his stand early in life - much to the derision of his school chums. What do THEY know, eh? Dressing in black PVC and covering yourself in makeup is SO going to make you popular. You really are different from the others. No, honestly, you really are. You're sensitive and interesting and you've got something to say that matters. Honest.

I Wandered Lonely as a Goth

Thanks to Aagra and www.tackyweddings.com

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 8
Undecided Goth can't work out whether to embrace the Daystar with shaven head, or avoid with Reflective Red. Her poetry isn't giving her many clues, but she's clearly finding inspiration there. She'd better find cover quickly though - a tan certainly won't go with that eyeshadow!

Gothkini

Thanks to Anonymous

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 9 (crotch area only)
Ladieeeeeez! Check out this Goth's cradle of filth! He's all man, and he's waiting to satisfy your every need - poetry, navel gazing, and Terry Pratchett discussion groups with dark sexual chocolate drops on top! Witness the muscular physique! Gasp at the bulging source of his power! Swoon at the bullet belt adorned cowboy boots! This, surely, is every Gothette's onanistic, narcissistic gothboy fantasy!
edit: What do you mean, no?

The Eagle of Goth

Back by popular demand!

Gothiness: 10 Sweatiness: 9
This is how to settle a domestic dispute! This Gothette has flown in with a crossbow pointed right at your genitals. That's the last time you borrow her copy of 'Bela Lugosi's Dead' without asking. Sweatiness quotient high here - she's so hot her hair has melted down the side of her head. One point deducted though as you can see most of her face.