Bouncy Goth

Thanks to Olivia

Gothiness; 6 Sweatiness: 3

"Mummy, what's that weirdo doing on my trampoline?"

"Come away dear, that's just a Goth trying to find out what it's like for the rest of us."

"Mummy, can I write some poetry now?"

"Step away from the Goth, sweetie!"

The sincerest form of flattery

is plaigiarism, or so I'm told. Whatever. I'm liking your Goth angle, kid :) http://gothsuptrees.tumblr.com/

We Dictate Fashion

Thanks to Lester 'Molester' Jones, as ever.

Gothiness: off the scale Sweatiness: 8

At last it's happened my Darkling hoardes - the good people of i-D Magazine have been moved to create a Goth-based fashion shoot in honour of our work! We have dictated a new fashion! See here! http://i-donline.com/2011/10/goths-in-hot-weather/ Now, who's up for spending a week going around Hoxton or the East Village with a pogo stick and timing how long it takes for some media whore hipster nincompoop to buy one and sit in a cafe with it resting against his table while he cruises Facebook on his i-Pad 2?

P.S. What's slightly scary is that bus actually goes past my office whilst I write this tripe. How did they know?

Goth in the hole!

Thanks to Jonas Christ

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 8

Representing for Darklings everywhere, this brave soul tackles the undergrowth of Vanilla society like a hero of yore, attempting to get his balls as close to the hole as possible by stroking his stick correctly. I love innuendo, me. The more observant amongst you will notice our friend here has even gone to the length of finding a black golf ball to use. Good work, sir!

Grumpy Lace

Thanks to Sarah McDermott

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 4

Pasty-faced Sarah writes:"My dear Clergyman, I address you from the erstwhile Colonies, California to be precise, where hot weather is plentiful. Enclosed find photographs of your Humble Correspondent goth-ing as hard as ever I can."
Goth hard, girl. Goth hard. And make sure you look as miserable as possible.

Ring-a-ring-o'-Gothies

Thanks to Flipthc

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 7

Well, these aren't goths are they? Swimsuits? Shorts? Ok, so maybe there's a tattoo or two (say that quickly) on show, but really, they're not trying very hard are they? Wait. What's that? There, in the sand? Run! Run for your lives! Wicca Goths are upon us!

Movember is upon us!

Gothiness: 0 (with a 7 for times gone by) Sweatiness: 6 (around the chin mainly)

Darkling friends! I appeal to you! I'm undertaking the great Movember moustache growing contest in aid of Prostate Cancer - please donate generously! http://mobro.co/Juggernaut you'll notice from my exceptional beard growth that after just 5 days I'm almost ready for the great Mo' reveal - the highest sponsor will get to choose which facial hair style adorns my face for the next month. End ass cancer now! Let me shave my beard off, it's really itchy! http://mobro.co/Juggernaut After an enormous career break, I promise to get posting your photos for every £10 donated!

Mora's Beach Party

Gothiness: Off the scale Sweatiness: 7

All right, maybe more psychobilly / horror rock / something I'm too old to have heard of than Goth, but definitely trippy. And check out the wheels! Prizes for anyone who can tell me what the fuck the plot is about.

Goths! On a beach!

Thanks to Sharon Ortiz

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 3

OK firstly, this is half an hour long, so only watch the first minute, unless you're genuinely interested in it (I'm going to bet you get at least 8 minutes in). Secondly - Goths! On a beach! In Gothy swimwear! Cover yourself up darklings!

Now I know what the advertising copywriter for Yahoo! feels like.

Welcome to the jungle

Thanks to Star Kat (again)

Gothiness: 4 Sweatiness: 5

So Star Kat here is wearing shorts. So what? She's allowed to wear shorts when she's representing in the JUNGLE isn't she? Word to the motherfather, she is. She fancied a one to one with Predator just to see if he was as tough as they say, but it turns out he's gone so far downhill even Adrian Brody can take him now, and Adrian Brody's about as tough as my niece. Anyway, I digress, Star Kat is showing dedication to the Dark cause here, so I salute her. Unless this photo was taken in Kew Gardens, in which case she's a filthy cheat.