Goths, I love 'em! I even used to be one for a bit (well, I was a Didi-Goth for at least 6 months). But there's one thing that troubles me about our cheery friends: what to do they do in summer? All that makeup, long black leather and rubber must get very sticky. I think we should show our respect for these poor unfortunates, struggling to stand out from the vanilla crowd despite blazing temperatures and sunshine that puts the rest of us in shorts and vest tops. Join me in celebrating the majesty of the Goth, who, eschewing any practicality whatever, still has the commitment to don a full length leather trenchcoat, stupid New Rock boots, and half a Superdrug counter of makeup. All hail the Hot Goth!


Kick the Pain Away

Thanks to DeHuman8


Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 8
There's long been a terrible dearth of Goths in sport, who knows why? Maybe their darkness gives them an unfair psychological advantage over the opposition, maybe long poetry writing sessions render them useless to physical activity, maybe their minds are on higher things such as Snakebite & Black consumption. Whatever the reason, DeHuman8 and his dark followers are redressing that imbalance by braving the Daystar to reach the peak of Goth endurance: 90 minutes with no shade against the Grand Society of Water Rats All Star Charity and Daytime Chat Show Presenters Second 11. Watch out dark ones - that Phillip Schofield's a fouling bastard! Our Nightmare Team of choice has to be:
Attack: Astbury, Ian / McCulloch, Ian / Reznor, Trent
Midfield: Duffy, Billy / Sioux, Siouxsie / Sensible (Capt.)
Defence: Scabies, Rat / Murphy, Pete / Hussey, Wayne / Cave, Nick
Goal: Smith, Robert
Manager: Eldritch, Andrew
Injured: Edwards, Richey / Curbain, Kurt (on loan from Grunge United) / Curtis, Ian
Discuss...

14 comments:

stephaniec said...

Capt. Sensible is far too cheery a guy to play on that team. Maybe you could get Trent Reznor to substitute?

The Impressive Clergyman said...

I couldn't agree more. I see Trent as midfield enforcer. And I'd have Pete Murphy and Jaz Coleman in there as well.

GothsInHotWeather said...

I can't believe no-one got my Captain Sensible joke. I workshopped that joke for 6 months.

GothsInHotWeather said...

All right, Reznor's in but only due to injury (not self-injury you understand, that would rule him out). We'll try him up front though, we need his speed to outpace Ricki Lake.

FJ Sam said...

LOL

Anonymous said...

The Captain called. He said "Wot?"

Sarah said...

Rozz Williams isn't on the "injured" list?

Phil said...

I got your "sensible" joke (and I chuckled), but I'd have put "Sensible, Capt (capt.)" personally. You have to really hammer the joke home sometimes, I find.

meardearna said...

this is the first time I've ever laughed at a Richey joke! thanks x

Anonymous said...

Eldritch managing Hussey? I sense trouble brewing. They'll only play one album... erm, fixture... with that lineup.

Dave said...

I once saw Smith, Robert playing football with his,umm, "roadies" in New Zealand. I also sat near Siouxsie on the 227 bus, but that is just gratuitous name dropping and nothing to do with football.

Anonymous said...

Must....join...goth....soccer...uh....league. (sorry, the thumbnails slowed me down)...

Soooo...um...edgy? lol.

Anonymous said...

LOL. That's kickball at Goth Fly-a-kite! Even wussier than soccer.

Anonymous said...

A lack of goths in sport? You clear have never heard of roller derby.

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