We Dictate Fashion

Thanks to Lester 'Molester' Jones, as ever.

Gothiness: off the scale Sweatiness: 8

At last it's happened my Darkling hoardes - the good people of i-D Magazine have been moved to create a Goth-based fashion shoot in honour of our work! We have dictated a new fashion! See here! http://i-donline.com/2011/10/goths-in-hot-weather/ Now, who's up for spending a week going around Hoxton or the East Village with a pogo stick and timing how long it takes for some media whore hipster nincompoop to buy one and sit in a cafe with it resting against his table while he cruises Facebook on his i-Pad 2?

P.S. What's slightly scary is that bus actually goes past my office whilst I write this tripe. How did they know?

Goth in the hole!

Thanks to Jonas Christ

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 8

Representing for Darklings everywhere, this brave soul tackles the undergrowth of Vanilla society like a hero of yore, attempting to get his balls as close to the hole as possible by stroking his stick correctly. I love innuendo, me. The more observant amongst you will notice our friend here has even gone to the length of finding a black golf ball to use. Good work, sir!

Grumpy Lace

Thanks to Sarah McDermott

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 4

Pasty-faced Sarah writes:"My dear Clergyman, I address you from the erstwhile Colonies, California to be precise, where hot weather is plentiful. Enclosed find photographs of your Humble Correspondent goth-ing as hard as ever I can."
Goth hard, girl. Goth hard. And make sure you look as miserable as possible.

Ring-a-ring-o'-Gothies

Thanks to Flipthc

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 7

Well, these aren't goths are they? Swimsuits? Shorts? Ok, so maybe there's a tattoo or two (say that quickly) on show, but really, they're not trying very hard are they? Wait. What's that? There, in the sand? Run! Run for your lives! Wicca Goths are upon us!

Goth Classification

Many of our beloved colonial cousins have asked "What is a Didi-Goth?" The excellent vampirefreaks.com has a run-down of the main Goth classes here, but they do seem to miss the definition of a Didi-Goth. I've found the original interpretation:

Didi-Goth  /gɒθ/ [after Diddy]–noun
1. one of a Teutonic people who in the 3rd to 5th centuries invaded and settled in parts of the Roman Empire, but left after two weeks as their visa had expired.
2. a young or fledgling Goth, too depressed to consider him/herself part of the rest of school, but too happy to become full immersed in Goth culture. Writes particularly awful poetry, usually about how no-one understands them, or why the boy in Year 12 won't snog them.

Origin:
bef. 900; ME Gothe (after G. Chaucer): "There was a Wif of Bathe, she was-a gat toothed and prood, black did she wear, and depressive; yet Goth she was-a not, morever a Didi, owning nought but one Cure album, and that alone being a Greateste-Hits."
(Note: best read in Chaucerian English for full effect; if you are unfamiliar with the style then I commend Bill Bailey to you.

Mora's Beach Party

Gothiness: Off the scale Sweatiness: 7

All right, maybe more psychobilly / horror rock / something I'm too old to have heard of than Goth, but definitely trippy. And check out the wheels! Prizes for anyone who can tell me what the fuck the plot is about.

Goths! On a beach!

Thanks to Sharon Ortiz

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 3

OK firstly, this is half an hour long, so only watch the first minute, unless you're genuinely interested in it (I'm going to bet you get at least 8 minutes in). Secondly - Goths! On a beach! In Gothy swimwear! Cover yourself up darklings!

Now I know what the advertising copywriter for Yahoo! feels like.

Welcome to the jungle

Thanks to Star Kat (again)

Gothiness: 4 Sweatiness: 5

So Star Kat here is wearing shorts. So what? She's allowed to wear shorts when she's representing in the JUNGLE isn't she? Word to the motherfather, she is. She fancied a one to one with Predator just to see if he was as tough as they say, but it turns out he's gone so far downhill even Adrian Brody can take him now, and Adrian Brody's about as tough as my niece. Anyway, I digress, Star Kat is showing dedication to the Dark cause here, so I salute her. Unless this photo was taken in Kew Gardens, in which case she's a filthy cheat.

Dance, Gothy boy, dance!

Thanks to Star Kat

Sweatiness: 4 Gothiness: 6

All right, so they're only pretending to be goth. OR ARE THEY?

Grave Sweats

Thanks to Elzabi

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 6

Elzabi writes "This photo may not look particularly sweaty, but a friend accidentally planned a goth-graveyard-picnic on the hottest day of last summer. I learned a valuable lesson that day which I would like to share with your readers: don't wear a corset in hot weather, breathing is necessary even if you think you're undead."