We Dictate Fashion

Thanks to Lester 'Molester' Jones, as ever.

Gothiness: off the scale Sweatiness: 8

At last it's happened my Darkling hoardes - the good people of i-D Magazine have been moved to create a Goth-based fashion shoot in honour of our work! We have dictated a new fashion! See here! http://i-donline.com/2011/10/goths-in-hot-weather/ Now, who's up for spending a week going around Hoxton or the East Village with a pogo stick and timing how long it takes for some media whore hipster nincompoop to buy one and sit in a cafe with it resting against his table while he cruises Facebook on his i-Pad 2?

P.S. What's slightly scary is that bus actually goes past my office whilst I write this tripe. How did they know?

Goth in the hole!

Thanks to Jonas Christ

Gothiness: 9 Sweatiness: 8

Representing for Darklings everywhere, this brave soul tackles the undergrowth of Vanilla society like a hero of yore, attempting to get his balls as close to the hole as possible by stroking his stick correctly. I love innuendo, me. The more observant amongst you will notice our friend here has even gone to the length of finding a black golf ball to use. Good work, sir!

Grumpy Lace

Thanks to Sarah McDermott

Gothiness: 7 Sweatiness: 4

Pasty-faced Sarah writes:"My dear Clergyman, I address you from the erstwhile Colonies, California to be precise, where hot weather is plentiful. Enclosed find photographs of your Humble Correspondent goth-ing as hard as ever I can."
Goth hard, girl. Goth hard. And make sure you look as miserable as possible.

Ring-a-ring-o'-Gothies

Thanks to Flipthc

Gothiness: 6 Sweatiness: 7

Well, these aren't goths are they? Swimsuits? Shorts? Ok, so maybe there's a tattoo or two (say that quickly) on show, but really, they're not trying very hard are they? Wait. What's that? There, in the sand? Run! Run for your lives! Wicca Goths are upon us!