Goths, I love 'em! I even used to be one for a bit (well, I was a Didi-Goth for at least 6 months). But there's one thing that troubles me about our cheery friends: what to do they do in summer? All that makeup, long black leather and rubber must get very sticky. I think we should show our respect for these poor unfortunates, struggling to stand out from the vanilla crowd despite blazing temperatures and sunshine that puts the rest of us in shorts and vest tops. Join me in celebrating the majesty of the Goth, who, eschewing any practicality whatever, still has the commitment to don a full length leather trenchcoat, stupid New Rock boots, and half a Superdrug counter of makeup. All hail the Hot Goth!

Big Mac and Lies

Thanks to 'a reader'

Gothiness: 8 Sweatiness: 6
Whilst sitting in the upper food court at Epsom's sparkling Ashley Centre (spiritual home to all suicidalists), one quick-witted reader spotted this: a full death metal / jugalo / Kiss wannabe Gothrocker enjoying a cold one whilst contemplating the finer symbolism of Proust's 'A la recherche du temps perdu' as juxtaposed with the lyrics to Closer by NiN between Bacon Double Suffering burgers. Note the standard reaction of most norm's - turn your back and pretend he's not there (which is how he likes it), with the exception of one young innocent child, formulating the question in her head "Daddy, why is that man dressed all funny? He's spooky." We'll never know, little girl, we'll never know.

sidenote: Submitted by 'a reader' - with a secret to hide, perhaps? Maybe a militant vegan with a secret yearning for recovered meat products. Are you a vegetarian who secretly yearns for meat? Or a vegan desperate for a ham and cheese omelette? The Jeremy Kyle team want to hear from you!


choperena said...

Wow, an error message with a scroll bar. That is talent!

Winterstorm said...

As an avid metalhead, I have to protest. NOT death metal! Black metal! That's a profound difference. Black metal is satanic and morbidly atmospheric, and is to death metal what punk is to ... real rock music. :P Anyway, this guy reminds me of Abbath from Immortal make-up-wise. (The style of make up is called corpsepaint, and their wearers are dubbed "pandas" by detractors, I think it is obvious why.) Excellent choice from a humourous point of view, just google Abbath.

Miranda said...

That's not a goth, man. That's a black metal tard. :P

Anonymous said...

That looks like Aerith in the bottom corner there. Must be an interesting place.

Anonymous said...

He makes the cos-players around him look normal. XD

Anonymous said...

this guy reminds me of the shopkeep from the metalocalypse episode where Toki's dad dies.

Creative Commons License Goths in Hot Weather by Tom Lenham is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-No Derivative Works 2.0 UK: England & Wales License. Based on a work at All other territories © Tom Lenham, all rights reserved.